Winter (2)

(Read Winter (1) first if you haven’t already!)

One of the things I have discovered in this winter season that has really helped me to slow down and renew my soul has been ‘Contemplative Prayer’. This is a type of meditation that can be practiced in many ways but my favourite approach is just to sit and be in silence, focusing on the presence of God. By choosing to engage in contemplative prayer daily, I created a regular space in my life where the only object was simply to be still, body, soul and spirit. Initially my thoughts, and sometimes my body too, felt resistant to being still but I chose to keep persevering, even when I felt uncomfortable in the silence. It was like I had forgotten how to stop and just be, my automatic reflex was to to just keep going, I realised I only felt comfortable when I was busy, but that began to change. As I returned to and rested in God’s presence everyday I slowly noticed a shift in my inner world, a stillness was beginning to grow. Peace beyond understanding was flowing from my spirit and beginning to permeate my soul, displacing my racing thoughts. My soul began to feel at rest throughout the day, not just during the time I spent in contemplative prayer. It was like I was remembering how to just be. 

As I look back I realise resting wasn’t really something I had been giving myself permission to do, physically or mentally, I felt that I ought to just keep going. Life just felt like an endless to-do list and I just kept looking ahead to the next thing, then the next thing. I never felt present and I wasn’t really enjoying my life, it just felt like I was rushing through it. If we don’t have moments of rest where we slow down and actually allow ourselves to feel how we are doing, but instead just keep ploughing ahead with the next thing on the schedule, then we will burn out. I could not sustain a life of doing as I had forgotten how to be and rest. To do we must first know how to be, otherwise we won’t know when to stop. Limits are a part of life, we weren’t designed to just keep going, like the trees we were also designed to need rest. 

In this wintertime I realised I had to cultivate rest deep within me that would enable me to move into spring. I needed to carry in my soul the wisdom that winter could reveal to me, the ability to slow down, rest and wait. Winter has shown me it’s okay to be in the in-between, that it’s okay to lay things down and stop. Instead of always being in a rush, always thinking of the next thing, I can pause in the moment and just be. I no longer feel in a constant hurry, I now take time to enjoy and delight in the world around me instead of just rushing past it. Winter has given me a new perspective, a slower and more grounded perspective, there will always be more things ‘to-do’ but I can now see the value of slowing down, resting and being present. I still look forward to spring and for the winter to fully pass, but I know that I will be able to enjoy spring all the more because of how this winter season has shaped me, however hard it has been to endure. 

“Some things you can’t know till you’re still
In the silence
Where your spinning thoughts slow down
In the stillness
Things have a way of working out”
House on a Hill – Amanda Lindsey Cook

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