After my last post you might have had some questions such as, “But what about all the other things I feel I need? What do I do with those desires?” I want to explore these questions in this post as sometimes it just doesn’t feel like a simple choice to only need Jesus.

In 2022 I had a lot insomnia issues that were making me feel very drained and this was coupled with a new ailment of a mystery stomach ache. The stomach ache would come and go but it was also steadily growing worse as the year went on. I’ve had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for some years now and it is horrible to live with, but it doesn’t always ‘press’ on me and make my life as uncomfortable as these sleep/stomach problems were. 

The desire to be fully well and recovered is always there but these ‘new’ physical problems were creating a heightened level of need for a ‘now’ solution. It was in this place of greater need in my physical body that God began to speak this truth to me when I cried out to him – truly only one thing is needed. 

Night after night of waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep began to wear me down. Some days every meal I ate caused my stomach to become sore and tender. In these moments what God was saying to me did not feel easy to receive… I wanted freedom and peace restored to my body and some days it felt like that was all I could think about.

Magnifying our needs and problems above God is so easy to do, believing that if He would just sort out this problem, then I would be okay, then I could focus on God more and so on. But our desires begin to rule us, even becoming idols. Does God want me to have stomach ache/insomnia/CFS? No… But he does want me to desire him more than I desire health, yet even more than that, for my desire for health to be fully in him. 

When my desires are in the wrong order and allowed to rule over me, they have too much power. My moods, my thoughts, my emotions and focus are all affected– I am gripped by my need and it sucks away my peace, creating constant unrest in my soul and I’m left feeling like I can’t be peaceful until I get the breakthrough I need. 

However when I transfer my focus onto the Lord, especially in those really hard moments like at 4am, it does cause a shift. Some nights all I can do is declare this truth, only one thing is needed. Only one thing is needed. Only one thing is needed. I choose to move my focus onto my one thing, Jesus Christ, even when its painful and not the easiest option, when it’s not the option my body and soul would choose. 

But my Spirit rises up in agreement and says yes! Even today, even in this moment of need and want, only one thing is needed. I will choose what is better! I will shift my focus onto the beauty of the Lord as he will satisfy me with himself whenever I seek him. The shift is in me, rather than in my circumstances. I change. It breaks the power of the need to consume me because I am consumed instead with the One who loves me most.

I realised that in my greatest times of need, I had got into a habit of trying to fix things myself, instead of trusting in and relying on the Lord. Being ill for a long time had suffocated my hope, I had stopped expecting good things from God and felt uncertain he really wanted to help me. 

But part of hoping in God, I have now learnt, is being satisfied in him first, as this can protect us from hope deferred that makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12).

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing” Psalm 23:1 NIV

When you begin to realise, as David did, that if you have the Lord you already have everything and that He is enough for you, then every other need will pale in comparison. Its not that I stop needing/wanting other things, but those desires carry so much less weight than my desire for God. 

He is the Lord who can and will provide for me and take care of me, but this isn’t so much about his provision but becoming satisfied in knowing God himself… yet all the while believing and trusting that everything else I need is in him.

“I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord”. Lamentations 3:24-26 NIV

Being content in the Lord, knowing he is my portion means that I recognise God is the source of all my happiness and blessings… and then as a consequence of that, I can wait on him, hoping in him because I fully trust his way and his timing. 

So no longer do I fret when I don’t get the breakthrough I think I need right in that moment. No longer do I try to ‘force’ events and outcomes I think I need to happen. I can simply rest, trusting the Lord, remaining hopeful and satisfied in the truth that only one thing is needed as I continue to wait.

2022 was a trying year for me, however it has worked out for good, partly in that the stomach ache has been resolved and my sleep has improved. But even more than that, I now wait differently for the other breakthroughs I desire, not just wanting things to be different but I wait with true hope in the Lord all the while choosing to be satisfied in him as I wait…